Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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