I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
