So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
3pm strippers are depressing
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
