time to smoke my breakfast
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
