Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize