So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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