At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Randomize
