There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Randomize
