the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
