I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
