Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
