I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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