it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Randomize
