Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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