I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Randomize
