Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I think my moral compass just broke
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
