The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
