soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Randomize
