everyone is single if you try hard enough
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
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