Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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