dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
