ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
