It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
