If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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