I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
