What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
