sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
