I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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