I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
