Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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