My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
