I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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