You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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