so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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