dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
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You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
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No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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