that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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