Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
