We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
