You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
