Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
