Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
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