Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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