I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
jump out the window naked night went bad
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
