yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
