Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
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