She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
