Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
