Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
