did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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