my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Randomize
