all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
