I heard we made out
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I got inside last night via doggy door
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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