based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
