Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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