He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I AM VODKA MAN
My breasts were aching with rage.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
