You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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