ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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