I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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