Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
