Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
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