It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
