I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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