He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
