So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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