turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
