Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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