it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
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