well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
