i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
