I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
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